Friends

"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need" Proverbs 17:17

I don't understand people sometimes. You know those people that call themselves your "friends". But they aren't really your friends. They are the people who want to hear your story. They want you to tell them your inner most secrets so they can spread them to other people. That is their only intention. To be deceitful and hurtful. That makes absolutely no sense to me. Why be that way? Why not be honest with your intentions? Why not only be "friends" with people that you genuinely care about? Why pretend to care about someone?

There are also those "friends" who you get so close to and then they just disappear. You know the ones I am talking about. The friends who stop returning your calls. The ones who don't answer your texts. The ones who blow you off all the time or always tell you "I'm just too busy". Those friends. They aren't your friends either. I don't understand them. Again, why get close to someone only to hurt them? And if you call them out on it? Tell them they hurt you or that you know they are being deceitful? They apologize. They try to make it better for a while. And then they once again disappear.

I have some of both of these "friends" in this season of my life. And it has been difficult to navigate such a trying time in my life without many true friends. It's been difficult to navigate while realizing who my real friends are and who my real friends aren't. Because the people who are like the people above, they simply aren't there for me.

They are the people who haven't checked in not once. The ones who I used to work with who were my "closest" and "best" friends that I haven't spoken to a single time since I walked out that building door. They are my "best" friend that swore she would change and be there, but I haven't heard from her in months.

And as much as it hurts to have them all turn their backs on me in a time of such need, I have also found my real friends. My dear friend, who is there daily when I message her on facebook to talk to her about anything from makeup, to sick kids, to frustrations with my health, to what color to dye my hair and every. single. thing. in between. My husband, who has been a rock and a shelter in this storm, who has held my hand and let me cry on his shoulder so many nights. My mom, who has listened to me for hours every single morning and who understands my struggles with my health. My family, who has been so supportive, understanding and caring. My church family, who has reached out, offered help and most of all offered prayers. And mostly God, who has been my biggest shelter through all of this, my strength, my comfort.

See it has taken this sickness and this trial for me to realize who my real friends are and who they aren't. And it has taken this trial for me to realize that I don't need them. I will be okay without them in my life. I am okay without them in my life.